One great city

After writing about New Orleans, I had a nightmare. I have been having nightmares ever since I got back from that trip. It’s not from watching too many hurricanes on r/documentaries or any specific events of the trip. It’s February, and I hate Winnipeg.

After a layover in Fort Lauderdale, I (presumably) contract Covid-19 for the first time. Oblivious, I connected into Buffalo, N.Y., and pit stopped by car at a Wegman’s before driving over the US-Canada border, to the cold, metal hangar referred to as an “airport” in Hamilton, Ontario. Briefly, in Ontario, I feel at home for the last time before a handful of near-death experiences send me packing, home to the city where I was born — Halifax, N.S. I can’t and won’t write about my last few months in Winnipeg.

How did you cope with bad dreams as a child?

When I can’t sleep, I find making a list in my head to be very soothing. I pick a topic, and organize the items in my mind, gradually adding detail to each item until I exceed my own capacity for sub-categories of thought without rising to write. I don’t want to wake anybody up.

Initially, I struggle to accept the label “avoidant” (like “autistic”) because I have a literal manner of thought. I’m inclined to believe talking about my feelings won’t change them. I like the alphabet, paper and a Pilot V7, the label maker I’ve kept since childhood, and two more I have bought since. Listing is a clever hack for a kid who is alone and can’t sleep. It works well for PTSD, too. Sometimes, I exhaust myself and sleep comes quickly. Other times, I have to write all it down. My journals have looked like this since childhood:

Some jobs I have had (chronological order)

• Babysitting

• Camp Counsellor-in-Training

• Camp Counsellor

• Fabricville

• Riding Instructor

• Blockbuster (Halifax)

• Tour Guide - Fort Sackville Foundation/Scott Manor House

• (Fake?) Barista

• Tea Salesperson

• ECE

• Campus tour guide

• Student health promotion

• Addictions prevention intern

• Research Assistant

• Quest for freedom #1

• Court Reporter / Commissioner of Oaths (lapsed)

• Research Coordinator

• TA

• Washing my personal mail and groceries at the start of COVID-19

• Research Assistant

• Instructor

• Pregnancy and childbirth

• Research Assistant

• Instructor

• Quest for freedom #2

• Vagrant, postdoc, instructor, and so on …